What Photography Has Taught Me About Conflict

Have you ever photographed someone who wasn’t ready for his closeup? We like to call these “candids,” but the subject isn’t always thrilled with the final result. I’ve heard the words, “Delete that right now,” as my iPhone is swiftly snatched from my hands. Even friends who are beautiful and photogenic wish to be “ready” for the snap and captured in the best lighting.

Photo credit: unsplash.com/@swarajtiwari

The word candid means “truthful and straightforward.” Most of us would agree that’s how we want our interactions to feel- genuine, unabashed, real. But what about in conflict? Do we truly desire honesty, sans filter? This type of conflict sounds harsh, unhelpful and perhaps even damaging to relationship.

Still, I believe it’s possible to have candid conflict well. Here are the four questions I ask myself when I lean into conflict.

1. Is the time right? Timing is key to excellent photography. A sunset’s colors change with every passing second. Timing is equally important to healthy conflict. Consider the recipient’s frame of mind, emotional capacity and overall wellness before engaging. More so, conduct a self-check to be sure you are emotionally ready. If the conversation isn’t time-sensitive, you may wish to push pause until a later date.

2. Casting the best light? Lighting conveys emotion. Think of a child holding a flashlight under his face in a darkened room. Creepy, right? In that moment, a perfectly cute kid easily becomes Chucky from Child’s Play. A photograph’s lighting influences the emotion you’ll feel upon viewing.  When approaching interpersonal conflict, be sure to cast the best light on your subject. As Ruyard Kipling famously said, “I always prefer to believe the best of everybody; it saves so much trouble.” Believing the best in others paves the way toward having difficult conversations with love. Believing that others mean well and want to grow will position you as comrade instead of combatant.

“I always prefer to believe the best of everybody; it saves so much trouble.” Rudyard Kipling

3. What’s the focus? Remember staring at autostereograms? No? Sure you do. You may have had a Magic Eye poster in your 8th grade science class. Don’t worry, I didn’t know their proper name before this blog either. The image you see changes depending on your focus. Photographers utilize focus to draw attention to specific parts of the composition. Conflict is no different. If you focus on the negative, the outcomes will most likely be negative. Make a conscious choice to focus on the positive.

4. Can I get retake? I once saw a woman in the PA Department of Transportation require three retakes for her driver’s license mug. Three. It was obvious the clerk was about to express his opinion when the driver concluded the third photo was acceptable. We all want retakes when we’ve been caught in a less than flattering pose. Entering conflict ready to offer a second chance softens your heart and allows you to view the other person as “only human,” capable of making mistakes and fixing them, just like yourself. (For clarity, clearly destructive or violent behaviors should be shut down with clear boundaries, and if needed, legal intervention.)

Conflict is inevitable. But when done well, candid conflict can move us together in relationship instead of apart. Oh, and don’t forget to smile.

Question: What skills have you learned to have healthy conflict? Comment below and help others to grow.

What Photography Has Taught Me About Conflict originally appeared on NathanClaycomb.com. Like what you’re reading? Subscribe in the upper right-hand side bar to join me regularly #fromwhereIsit.